I quote others only the better to express myself.
-Michael de Montaigne

I have expressed some of my own thoughts and stories on other pages of this site and it seemed only fitting that my grandfather's habit of collecting words of wisdom were passed on to me.
The "pull my finger" habit was passed on to one of my brothers!

A good conversationalist is not one who remembers what was said, but says what someone wants to remember.
-John Mason Brown
I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them.
-Robert Orben
How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live!
-Henry David Thoreau
Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson? Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody? Woody: For a beer? Norm: No, for stupid questions.
-Norm Peterson, 'Cheers'
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
-Frank Sinatra
I cannot give you the formula for for success, but I can give you the formula for failure - which is: Try to please everybody.
-Herbert Bayard Swope
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
- George Bernard Shaw
A terrible thing happened again last night - nothing.
-Phyllis Diller
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
-Edgar Allan Poe
Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man winning than the man who inherited father's store or farm.
-C. Write Mills
Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.
-Mae West
A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't.
-Irvin S. Cobb
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know of two other guys she's cut out entirely.
-Rodney Dangerfield
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?
-Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
-Mike Myers(Austin Powers)
Americans are so enamored of equality that they would rather be equal in slavery than unequal in freedom.
-Alexis de Tocqueville
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory of some temptation we resisted.
-James Branch Cabell
My schoolmates would make love to anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
-Emo Philips
It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.
-Marcus Aurelius
I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking" and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
-Ronnie Shakes
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again.
-George Miller
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
-Theodore Roosevelt
Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength.
-Henry Ward Beecher
Energy experts have announced the development of a new fuel made from human brain tissue. It's called assohol.
-George Carlin
The cable TV sex channels don't expand our horizons, don't make us better people, and don't come in clearly enough.
-Bill Maher
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
-Will Rogers
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
If  the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me.
-Jimmy Buffet
Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
-George Burns
There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
-Alfred Korzybski
If you were born to hang, you won't drown.
A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.
-W. C. Fields
Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second. Give your dreams all you've got and you'll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you.
-William James
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
-Woody Allen
I'm not against half naked girls - not as often as I'd like to be.
-Benny Hill
I may not have a perfect body but I have some excellent parts on it.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
-Andy Rooney
In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.
-Churton Collins
Be composed - be at ease with me...
Not till the sun excludes you do I exclude you,
Not till the waters refuse to glisten for you and the leaves to rustle for you, do my words refuse to glisten and rustle for you.
-Nicholas Sparks
The Notebook
Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of habit.
-W. Somerset Maugham

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